Cocoon

She has me wrapped around her finger...by force. It astounds me how much power my mother actually has. These days I'm actually getting to a point where I don't even want to call her mother but identify her by a more suited name: Dolores. There is something about when I describe Dolores that the word "mother" stings inside of me. Almost the way "love" makes me cringe, but the only difference is I have more tolerance for "love" (I'm even starting to come around to it).

Even my brothers no longer call her mom but instead a more joking nickname, Dores. It was really funny when they made it up, but it only reflects the way we feel about her. The way I feel about her. The way despite the fact that I have a remote sense of caring for her, she has this way of making me feel so damn small. She is so insecure, it insults me. She cries so much, it insults me. She is so sensitive and so prone to lashing out at us, it insults me.

And yet she's thinks she's the reason this family is so close...

...yeah, cause we all have to stick together to defend ourselves from you.

I'm trying figure out how our relationship will be like when I go off to college. Hopefully distant, not just physically, but in every sense of the word.

I need to get out of this cocoon she forcibly has me wrapped around.