An Ode to Those That Are Here

I've never done this before. Then again, I don't think I ever will. But I feel the necesity to do it now.

Before I say anything though..let it be known that Jaclyn Anne Dy and Elcar Gil are and forever will be my best friends.

But over the course of this year, I've met more people than I could ever imagine. A majority of them I know are just a phase-- I won't see them or ever really care about them after high school. 

...But there are others, a few significant others, that I have befriended and that for the most part (although I'm not one to get overly attached) hope to have in some shape, way or form still existing in the future that is in store for me. 
They are the ones I feel will still be there in the long run. The ones that even when I criticize them or have my bitchy attitude, can still see that I am a person to depend on. It amazes me that people like me sometimes--but these people make me feel that although I have a few parts of me to smooth out, I'm okay the way I am.

And so I thank Eileen Regina Roman, Benjamin Vargas, Jose Salvatierra, Steph Jimenez, Geo Hernandez, Gaby del Real, Eric Nunez, and Alex Castillo.

I thank them for accepting me.

It's Always Have and Never Hold

A: "Do you have anything to say?"

A: "No, Just that I'm going to miss you."

It's been two days since he left. Two days since I last saw him. I'm not going to be over-dramatic and say life has been empty not having him around, cause it hasn't. If anything, it's given me a chance to catch up on some things. I am able to get home and do my homework. I finally was able to hang out with Jackie & talk to her in a way I feel I haven't in a long time. I missed Jackie. I missed talking to her. And I know she misses me as much as I miss her because I see the smile she gets when I run up to hug her. 

I've had time to talk to her, which makes me feel almost complete. I can work out now without having to worry about time. I even had the time to clean my whole room today. My brothers are amazed that they can finally see the carpet in our room and that their clothes is folded. 

This might sound weird, but as I clean the room, I feel a few moments of perfect isolation. That feeling of being alone but not feeling lonely; it's something beautiful. It allows me to open my mind as I fold the clothes, as I vacuum, as I slowly finish hanging the last item of clothes. And as I stood there doing all this housework, I began thinking of him. I began to realize that Alex Castillo has done so much for me and expressed so much to me in a way that no one else has. He is ridiculously nice to me. He deals with my bitchy-ness and tries to find any moment he can to hang out with me.

I still don't know where I'm going with him. I know now that I love him as a friend; I have yet to fall IN love with him (like I said before, I'm not sure I want to) but I do know that for the time being, we'll be okay.

I hung out with him pretty much the entire Spring Break-- take off a few days and I'm glad I did that. 

It made it easier to say goodbye...for now.

But I still believe It was too soon...

A: "You're going to be on my mind the entire time."

A: "Liar."

A: "Don't believe me then."

A: "Okay I won't."