Cocoon

She has me wrapped around her finger...by force. It astounds me how much power my mother actually has. These days I'm actually getting to a point where I don't even want to call her mother but identify her by a more suited name: Dolores. There is something about when I describe Dolores that the word "mother" stings inside of me. Almost the way "love" makes me cringe, but the only difference is I have more tolerance for "love" (I'm even starting to come around to it).

Even my brothers no longer call her mom but instead a more joking nickname, Dores. It was really funny when they made it up, but it only reflects the way we feel about her. The way I feel about her. The way despite the fact that I have a remote sense of caring for her, she has this way of making me feel so damn small. She is so insecure, it insults me. She cries so much, it insults me. She is so sensitive and so prone to lashing out at us, it insults me.

And yet she's thinks she's the reason this family is so close...

...yeah, cause we all have to stick together to defend ourselves from you.

I'm trying figure out how our relationship will be like when I go off to college. Hopefully distant, not just physically, but in every sense of the word.

I need to get out of this cocoon she forcibly has me wrapped around.

It Was a Good Day

"Self analyzation is the worst thing a person can do to themselves."

My name is Amy Lopez. I am not bitter, but I don't find happiness very easily. I hardly smile and when I do, it makes the others smile around me. I tend to forget people care about me. Skeptical should be my middle name. Being inhuman to human beings is my specialty; I can't ever be nice without throwing in an insult on the side (the exception of this is always Jackie, of course). I am a person who definitely knows what they want in the future...but only if it doesn't involve anyone or emotions. Emotions make me cringe, both in front of people as well as in my own mind. My name is Amelia Lopez..and I have a long way to go.

*Whew.

Whew

It hurts to smile.

But I'm willing to take the pain.

Life is not what I expected it to be.